I woke up early this morning and laid in bed just talking with Al. We got on the subject of his tattoo and he revealed to me that the real reason for getting it wasn't what I thought.
In fact it represents a close-call experience the two of them shared in Iraq. While I wasn't upset about the tattoo and in fact, I'm grateful there is an even more legitimate reason he got it, it really got me thinking.
I didn't know he had this dangerous experience while he was over there. He chose not to tell me "for my own good." And I get that. But I am torn a bit...
I've always been someone who wants all the details. I want to know what I'm getting into. I want to be fully educated and blatantly aware. But, I don't think I feel the same about this.
In fact, I'm glad he didn't tell me while he was over there. He probably would have gotten out half the story before getting disconnected, leaving the rest to my mind to conjure. Or he would have told me on the day of an exam or big speech and I would have been less focused. Either way, he made the right decision.
At least for the current circumstances he did. But, it leaves me wondering... Do you want to know?
In fact it represents a close-call experience the two of them shared in Iraq. While I wasn't upset about the tattoo and in fact, I'm grateful there is an even more legitimate reason he got it, it really got me thinking.
I didn't know he had this dangerous experience while he was over there. He chose not to tell me "for my own good." And I get that. But I am torn a bit...
I've always been someone who wants all the details. I want to know what I'm getting into. I want to be fully educated and blatantly aware. But, I don't think I feel the same about this.
In fact, I'm glad he didn't tell me while he was over there. He probably would have gotten out half the story before getting disconnected, leaving the rest to my mind to conjure. Or he would have told me on the day of an exam or big speech and I would have been less focused. Either way, he made the right decision.
At least for the current circumstances he did. But, it leaves me wondering... Do you want to know?
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5 comments:
No.
Denial was my best friend during the last deployment. Until I got a phone call the day before the bar exam from the military advising me that my husband had been involved in an "incident" but was not dead. That totally pulled the blinders off. His vehicle drove over an IED which detonated beneath his feet. His driver lost his legs and left arm. Z is completely unscathed. It was one of three close calls within 18 hours that he was involved in (all IEDs).
When he got home (the day before my swearing in ceremony...) he had to talk. Finally. It all came pouring out in a scary jumbled mess and left me confused and really scared. The IEDs were just the tip of the iceberg and didn't include the scary night where his platoon was surrounded by sniper fire. Or when he was ambushed on patrol. And now he is back there. And I wish I didn't know.
As I come to the end of our 1st deployment I can say now, I don't want to know! In the beginning I did, but I learned quickly that I wouldn't find out anything as my husband would not give me any details because he knew it would only make me worry. So, all year I prayed, I prayed alot & trusted that everything would be ok & he would make it home just fine. He has made it out of the desert safe & sound & is now on his journey home! I thank God for this. But, he did make a comment the other day in a round about way about something that took place that he was awarded for. So, I am very interested to hear all of his stories when he will be back home safe, sound & with me!!!
After one of OccDoc's missions I knew he needed to talk. I told him that he would probably scare the living day lights out of me, but I won't be scarred. And if I was scarred I'm in the US and have full access to mental health care if I need it. We agreed he needed to talk and it all came flooding out - well, in vague army fashion. All the stuff he's seen. The guys he couldn't save. Having to chemically restrain soldiers because they've 'lost' it. Taking fire so many times I've lost count. Being poisoned by locals (yay for fun dinner parties!). Watching the lead convoy vehicle blow up leaving no survivors. Uh, yeah, I wish I didn't know this stuff, but I know my husband needs to talk about it. I'm the best listener he knows. And we're really hoping it's a 7 month deployment instead of a year.
My dad always told me "Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to." As I got older it made a lot of sense to me... and definitely applies to deployment related stories. I'm like you in I typically like to have all the info but not really in relation to the hubs' near death experiences while in theater. I much rather prefer to burry my head in the sand- works better that way. I have made it clear to him he can tell me whatever he like, so that he doesn't feel he cannot talk about it but I don't ask all the time.... nice balance we've found.
I am torn on this one. When I was deployed I didn't tell my family much about the close calls and the horror I saw. It wasn't that I didn't think they could handle it, it's that I didn't want to add to their worry and, more, I knew they had no frame of reference to process it. No one really understands unless they've been there themselves. So events that might sound completely shocking and terrifying to the outsider are little more than routine.
When I came home and DM left for the Stan, I found myself not wanting to know.Oh sure, the curious part of me wanted to know everything. But the rational part of me knew I was worried enough about him and that asking him to relive stuff wasn't going to help while he was in the middle of it. He hasn't mentioned much since he came home and I haven't asked. Some things are best dealt with alone - or with your buddies at a bar. As much as the girlfriend part of me demands to be the one he confides in, I know I can't always be that person.And some days I'm ok with that.
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