Life Lesson #5: The best things happen when you stop and let them

{part 5 of a 6-part series on lessons I've learned throughout my life's journey}

As many of you know, my relationship with Al was many years in the making romantically. We started as co-workers and friends and often went many months without contact. In fact, I've always said that our relationship happened to me. And here's my story of how the best things happen when you stop and let them.

3 years after meeting and becoming friends with Al, we were speaking sporadically. An email here and a phone call there, often with months in between. He was across the world in Korea, where he'd been since boot camp and AIT. I was in Newport, RI in Navy OCS (actually, I was in out-processing and getting ready to go home, but I spent a month working as a civillian while my paperwork was processed to send me home.)

I was busy moving 400 chairs from storage into the gymnasium for the next graduation ceremony when my cell phone rang. I put down the chairs I was carrying and fumbled for my phone only to hear a distant "hello" on the other end.

Me: "Hi. Who is this?"

Voice: "Guess..."

Me: "Umm...I don't exactly have time to play games. Who is this?"

Voice: "I'll give you a hint - we used to work together."

Me: "Yeah, like I said, I don't have time."

Voice: "You don't," *crackle, crackle* "this is?"

As the phone cut in and out I struggled to hear anything that could give me a clue as to who I was talking to.

Me: "I'm sorry, I can't hear you and I'm not in a place to keep trying to figure it out. Good-bye." And I hung up.

I went back to work, thinking about who it could be. I started running through all the options of people whose number I didn't have or who might call from an unknown number. Not once did I suspect Al. In fact, I suspected it to be the guy from this story, who had since joined the Guard and would every once in a while make his presence known in my life just to keep twisting the knife.

It wasn't until about a month later, when I was back in Minnesota, that I determined it was in fact Al calling from Korea. I felt bad that I had hung up, but I couldn't do anything about it. I apologized a few weeks later when we spoke for a few minutes on web cam. That was June.

It was after that when we started talking more regularly. At this point, Al was at Ft. Bliss and settling in there. I started applying to law school and working at a law firm. Christmas came and Al was able to make it home to see family for the holiday. We talked a couple times, but didn't get to see each other until New Years Eve. We went to dinner and then to one of my friends' house for a party with the intention of drinking and spending the night.

I can honestly say that I still wasn't sure if I was interested in anything romantic. I was enjoying our time together, but was NOT looking for any relationship in any way. I was attending law school the following year and wanted to focus on that. A relationship would be a distraction; a distraction I didn't want.

That night was one of those nights where nothing really goes right, but you just have a blast anyway. Turned out my good friend never showed up. That left me with a group of acquaintances who I knew through her. The only choice now was to start drinking and making friends. After a few hours, Al and I were plenty juiced and started playing Blackjack. Actually, Al was playing and I was learning which gave him a huge advantage. So, being intoxicated and overly-confident, we bet on the next hand. The wager: a kiss.

I would like to lie to myself and say that I just became so skilled in Blackjack that I outplayed him; but that would be wrong. In fact, I'm pretty sure he let me win. Either way, a kiss came out of the deal. It was the first time we'd kissed since years earlier. We kissed again as the ball dropped at midnight. It's all a blur to me, mostly because of the alcohol. What I do remember is feeling attracted to him more so then ever before.

I think it was the way he handled the rest of the night that really stood out. As we were told where we'd be sleeping, we realized it was a twin bed. The owner of the house was already sleeping, so we grabbed what we could for bedding; we ended up with one pillow, a fitted sheet and a small blanket and figured we'd snuggle for the rest of the warmth.

It was a complete disaster. We realized after about an hour that the window was open, which is why the room was so cold. Keep in mind, this is the middle of the winter on January 1st. (As a point of reference, the week of Jan 12th was the coldest of the year at -22 degrees.)

We looked around the room for more blankets, coats, or anything that could serve as a insulator to no avail. At this point we were actually shaking from the cold and were unable to warm up no matter what we tried. The hours passed and we finally got to the grey glow of morning with very little sleep and definite hangovers.

Looking back on it, I think I would have been twice as miserable if I had been with anyone else. At the time, leaving in the morning was the best feeling ever. We went our separate ways, and although we wanted to, we didn't make any specific plans to see each other again.

So I was surprised (and more excited then I thought I'd be) when he called me on the 3rd (the day before he was driving back to El Paso) to meet up with him and his family at a nearby indoor water park for swimming and cards.

I left a very intoxicated Al with his family in the hotel and headed home for the evening. He started his drive back to EP the next morning and I got back into my routine. I don't know that I thought anything of the separation. I don't recall if I was worried I would miss him or not. I knew I enjoyed the time we had spent, but I had chalked it all up to a good time and moved on.

We continued to talk regularly on webcam and the phone. We started talking for hours each day and when I started my law school tours I decided to head down to visit him in Texas and check out UT Austin's law school. We planned the trip for February, ironically over Valentine's weekend. Needless to say, we never made it to Austin. Instead, we spent a fantastic weekend together, enjoying each other's company. We hiked the mountains along the border of Mexico and I met a bunch of his Army buddies. We spent an anti-V-day (complete with movies, puzzles and Toscani pastas from Pizza Hut) night in a hotel just enjoying each other. Then it came time to leave...

I realized over the course of the last 6 months (and probably 4 years prior) I had really fallen for him. I didn't know it and I certainly never expected it, but I found myself faced with the decision to walk away from a great guy in order to avoid the trouble of the distraction or follow that small nagging in my heart that said it could turn into something great. We left it with no decision made. We knew we both liked each other but really, really didn't want to be in a long-distance relationship.

Back in Minnesota, I started my normal week. I actually had a date on Wednesday (which was planned before I left for TX) with a guy I'd seen a couple times before. He was cute and funny, but had a lot of baggage (a kid and some other family issues). And frankly, I spent the entire date thinking about Al. I ended the night really early, told the guy I was interested in someone else, and decided I needed to at least TRY something with Al. I called him the next morning.

Turns out, he was thinking the same thing and was glad I had changed my mind.

We've been together ever since.

I never, ever expected to be in this relationship and I certainly didn't expect it at this time in my life. I didn't want to have anything on my plate other then my education and my career. I expected to make that my number one focus until I was happily settled into a nice life for myself. Then, I'd start looking for someone to share that life with. Instead, in my efforts to focus on me and my education, I fell into an amazing relationship with an incredible man.

In retrospect, I think Al was ready to be in a relationship months before. In fact I think he even wanted to date back in the day when we first met. He always tells me how he remembers what I wore on our first date, what I ordered at the restaurant (and that I made fun of him for ordering a salad at a steak house), and many other memories from our first few years together that I just don't recall. I think he was romantically interested long before I was and bless his heart for keeping hope that maybe we'd eventually be together.

And I recall something one of my mentors growing up told me:

"If you want your dreams to come true, you have to be willing to let them go first."

As soon as I stopped worrying about having a man in my future and put my efforts into improving myself, I stumbled upon the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

{Al, I love you. I know this process probably took me longer then you wanted it to, but I appreciate your continued love, support and patience. I can't wait to have you home and start the next step of our life together. I never expected my dreams to come true so soon, but they really, really have.}