1. He helps me be a better person
I've always struggled with saving money. I have a spending habit. I like nice things, especially shoes. I like to "reward" my hard work with dinners and drinks with friends. To be fair, I'm pretty debt-free (other then the terrifyingly large amounts of school debt looming over my head). But, I pay my bills (always first) and the rest of my money goes to "things." It rarely goes to savings. I've made huge steps by clearing out credit cards and making sure my bills are ALWAYS paid first, but I still struggle with being MUCH too near-sighted regarding my financial future. I want IMMEDIATE happiness, regardless of the cost.
Recently though, I've decided to over-haul my life. I can't take much (if any) credit for this. It was mostly the harsh reality that my financial future now involves another person.
For the first time in my life I WANT to do better. I want to go into our life together with more to offer then a $150K law degree. I want this for me, because I deserve financial stability. I want to do this for US; for our future children so we can have the best life we could ever dream of. And he's helping me get there by cutting costs, managing my bills and keeping me accountable.
2. He isn't scared to see me cry
He obviously doesn't like it because he doesn't want to see me sad or stressed. But he's not the kind of guy that sees tears and starts running frantically in circles trying to figure out what to do. (Like some guys who think we're an inflatable boat that just sprung a leak and they need to patch it immediately before they drown violently in the throes of the ocean...something like that.) Al stays calm, which I'm sure has a LOT to do with his job training. He deals with my hysterics with ease and love and I usually come out pretty unscathed.
When we started dealing with this money issue, I spent the first few days in tears. This stuff is scary stuff for me. Mostly, I was just being a big baby and throwing the grown-woman's version of a temper tantrum. Which he also dealt with pretty flawlessly.
3. He understands how I deal with things
Once I calmed down and stopped kicking my feet, we got down to business. I opened my ears and my head and let him lead the way. And amazingly, he spoke my language. He had me make lists, timelines, goal sheets and he did the same. We talked about what sacrifices I can make and what minor rewards are still important to me. He understood that I can't give up on everything, that I need to be able to unwind with a cocktail with the girls once in awhile. He also understands that to some degree it's still MY money and I need to have a sense of independence with the money I'm earning. So, we worked out a plan that allows me to make the changes in a way and timeline that I'm comfortable AND put together an accountability plan that I'm happy abiding by.
4. He meets me in the middle
Once we got all the details squared away, he volunteered another idea. Since I was going to be making a sacrifice and giving up my largest vice, he was going to quit smoking. I was shocked! I know he does it, especially while he's deployed because he needs to. Not only is it the ONLY thing to pass the time sometimes, but when you're being bombed and shot at, it's a great way to calm the nerves.
But once we started dealing with everything, he decided that if I was going to give up on something, he should too. We can do it together. Struggle and triumph together.
And finally...
5. He encourages me to do the things I love
After hours of tears and discussion and working through a budget and other grueling tasks, we took a few deep breaths and sat back in our chairs. (Remember, all of this is done over web-cam since he is still in Iraq.) We said the standard "I love yous" and other words of inspiration that need to be said when you've hashed out something emotional. And then he said this:
"Make sure you blog about this so you can get some more support and encouragement."
I'm pretty sure I've met my match, in every way.
(Baby, thank you!)
8 comments:
This is so sweet, it almost brought me to tears!
Hey, AL here.
I know that you(Mels followers) dont see me very much....I blame it on lack of/poor quality internet, but in all reality until I saw what this was doing for Mel I thought blogging was really stupid :p I now understand the support that she gets through other young ladies that are going through the same things she is and I respect that(probably not for me, but I respect that it works for her)
The other reason that I dont use the blogging medium is cause I have very poor grammar when I type and I have a potty mouth(Mel might say I always have poor grammar but she aint right about that :p )
Bottom line: I love this woman more than I can possibly express digitally, she is my rock and I am hers...she is my popdeckel (i know i spelled that wrong but its german so I consider it an inferior language anyway :p and at least i didnt spell it poopdeckel, which if there is any sailors wives out there i could make a million jokes about that) I am confident that she is the "one" everyone keeps refurring to when they say "Guggs youre 25 shouldnt you find an olde ball and chain"
I know as military wives most all of you go through tough times with money(unless you are an officers wife, then you have too much :p ) So I encourage you all to thow out ideas for Mel to help her on her journey!
It's "pappdeckel" baby...And your grammar really is horrendous! :o) But I love you and thanks for making an appearance.
Alright, y'all are just too cute. You definitely found an amazing guy Mel!
Awwww! I love that he took the time to comment! In an odd way, it just made my night...I always consider it a privilege to witness love!
Anyway, I think it's fantastic that you guys are talking about this now. Technically, I'm a financial counselor (certified and all!), and I can't tell you how many people our age aren't even thinking about getting their finances in order. So kudos to you guys!
I always recommend(ed) to clients that they start out their journey to financial freedom by creating a goal sheet. Start by writing down 3 short term goals, 3 mid-term goals, and 3 long term goals. Everyone defines short/mid/long term differently, but I define them as short = less than 1 year, mid-term = 1-3 years, long = 5+ years. Made your goals quantifiable. For example, don't say, "I want to take a vacation when Al gets back from deployment." Say, "When Al gets back from deployment in 12 months, we want to go to Disney World which will cost us $2400." You know by stating that goal that you need to put away $200/month. It gives you a concrete goal to work for. Setting goals gives you a road map for how to spend your money.
I also think goal setting is important because it helps you focus on the long-term and helps you realize your priorities why you are giving things up now. It's easier to say, "I don't need these shoes because the $50 I would spend on these shoes can go toward the vacation fund" rather than saying, "I shouldn't buy these shoes because I don't need them...but I don't know why I don't need them. I deserve them." Then before you know it, you're at the counter buying the shoes!
If you're a book person and want some good books to read on this topic, I would suggest the books by Suze Orman. People either love her or hate her, but I think she calls it like it is and gives fantastic advice...especially if you're just starting out. David Bach also has a good financial book series. One of my favorites is "Smart Couples Finish Rich".
Sorry this comment is so long...you just got me started on my absolute favorite topic: financial planning! =)
Love this post AND the comments <3 !!!
So sweet!
You guys did all that on webcam?! Geez I'm impressed.
You guys are quite the dynamic duo if I do say so myself. Money is always such a stressful issue & I, much, like yourself WAS quite the spender. But with a family now, we can't do that on one income & being at home with my little ones is far more important. But every now & then we get to splurge & it's great. It makes our purchases all the more valuable cuz it's something we've thought about for awhile & waited to get :) So kudos to you both for so calmly solving a problem that plagues many new families.
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