One Month

Today, Charlotte is one month old.

She is already one month old.

It's amazing how much she has already grown and changed in those four weeks. She surprises me with something new every single day and keeps us on our toes.

I'm also back to work already, which has provided its own set of challenges. Al works early mornings, home in time for me to get to the office by 8 am, then I come home and take over so he can do school work and attend evening classes. It's a complete whirlwind and incredibly draining on both of us.

But this face...

It's so worth it.

Happy One-Month, little lady. Thank you for enriching my life and filling my heart. You have taught me patience and resolve and shown me that love goes deeper than I ever thought. You make me a better person and your father a better man and we're both so blessed to continue this adventure with you.

By the way, for your birthday, I got you a set of size 1 diapers! Time to move up, darling!

One Week

One week ago, my daughter entered my life in a way that both softened my entire soul and ran over it like a freight train. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and I created her. My body formed her into being which ended in the most humbling physical test of my entire life.

I've never considered myself a weak person. Not physically and certainly not mentally or emotionally. But childbirth has a funny way of reminding you that you are completely and utterly human. And at the same time making you feel like a superhero. 

And then, without any warning at all (and with even less sleep), you're flung immediately into parenthood and served another giant dose of humility on a silver platter. All of a sudden, you are feeding, bathing, changing, and nurturing this small human life - while trying to heal and sleep and keep yourself afloat. 

Then you're battling the roller coaster of emotions that come along with the hormone changes and the realness of it all. You love this tiny person more than you've ever loved a single thing in your life. You love it so much it physically hurts. But you're tired. And sore. And emotionally drained. 

Someone says a small thing, even a sweet thing, and you cry. You try to breastfeed (which hurts SO bad at first) and you sob uncontrollably into your infant's face. You look at your husband (who now sees you as this incomparable mix of beauty and power) and find yourself so happy to have him by your side. Everything is funny. Everything is terrifying and yet so exciting. Nothing is sad and yet you can't stop crying. 

The most perfect reward is resting on your chest or in your arms, loving you even though she hasn't learned how. That child is so amazing and so worth it. 

This last week has felt like one of the longest weeks of my entire life. I have been pushed to the brink in every possible way and brought back to reality only by the quiet sounds of my daughter as she reaches for my face. I have been tested, and so far I have passed. I have made it through the week, each day easier than before. She gets healthier and more beautiful every second and my husband and I are stronger and more in love because of this whole experience. And as I continue to amaze myself with my own strength and resilience, I realize that I can totally do this again next week.

Arrival

On Thursday, March 27, 2014 at 1:20 pm, miss Charlotte Grace entered this world. She was 7lbs 2oz and 18 3/4 inches long.

I'm sleep deprived, so very sore and ready to sleep in my own bed. On the other hand, I'm completely enamored by this beautiful, tiny human I've created.

I'll come back with a more thorough review and birth story. Until then...

Hey guys, I'm still pregnant.

My due date isn't for another 9 days, and I really don't want to go into labor before my mom arrives next Saturday. So, at a minimum, I have 7 days to go before little Charlotte arrives. 

Nevertheless, I find myself answering the question: "How are you doing?" with a resounding "Well, I'm still pregnant."

The last three weeks of pregnancy, I would say, are the least comfortable. I have all these things I want to do, but no energy to do them. I am feeling big for the first time (my midwife is tracking her weight around 7.5 lbs with just over a week to do. That's approximating her delivery weight around 8.5 lbs unless she stays even later. So, yeah, I feel huge.) And I'm very, very sore. Hips mostly. And lower back. 

Here I am complaining when I should probably say that I've had a wonderfully healthy pregnancy and I really do feel great. Even at this stage, I'm still working every day, sometimes long days, and I am able to do virtually anything I want to. It's the "extra" tasks - the above and beyond - that aren't getting done. (Like those darn shelves in the nursery that still need to be painted.)

The other thing I've noticed is that I am not a "nester." Like, at all. I keep a clean enough house, and all the really important stuff gets done. But I read all these books and my friends tell me stories about getting on their hands and knees to scrub the tile grout and some such bullshit. Umm, no thanks.

Instead, I have a serious case of wanderlust. I spent a vast majority of my day today researching how to back-pack/train-hop through Europe and what the best camping and road-trips are through the U.S. I also created an entire Pinterest board dedicated to local day-trips or on-the-cheap weekend excursion we can take here in Colorado. I just have the desperate need to go somewhere.

I have this vision of buying a little pop-up camper, strapping Charlotte into her carrier, packing a weekend bag and driving somewhere. Somewhere we can hike and fish and when we get bored of that, drive into town to shop and eat. I want to explore. I want her to explore. I want her to be a traveler. To see the country and the world. To learn about all types of people. To create memories. To have roots and wings.

Oh man, I'm so excited to meet this little girl. In the meantime...I'm still pregnant.

Final Month Pregnancy Thoughts

I am a few shorts weeks from my due date and thought it was necessary to check back in with my current pregnancy thoughts. I am going to apologize in advance if this turns into a post where I merely complain about how tired and uncomfortable I am...but...well...I am tired and extremely uncomfortable.

Things I like:

Eating smaller portions throughout the day
Having clear skin
Having strong hair and nails
Feeling baby kicks
The words "because I'm pregnant"

Things I'm totally over:

Having an infant's head resting directly on my bladder
Or pushing into my ribs
Or stabbing me in the spine
Acid-reflux
Itchy skin
Charlie horses

Things I can't wait to do again:

Sleep on my stomach
Sleep more than 3 hours at a time
Have a glass of wine with dinner

Wear high heels

Eat sushi

Drink more than one cup of coffee

Wear a nice suit to work

Wear anything more than leggings and a tee
Shave my legs, paint my toenails, and see my own feet

Things I can't wait to do for the first time: 

Meet my daughter
(and)
Watch my husband become a father


Ok...this is completely worth it.

Minivan Family

Well, it's official. I've handed in my cool points and succumbed to driving a minivan. The new (to us) van arrives from Florida on Monday after making the journey from my Aunt's house in Florida. They gave us an amazing deal that, for practical and financial reasons, we just couldn't pass up. My car was no longer reliable - at least not when you add late nights at work and a baby to the mix - and with Al's job transition we needed something cost-effective as well as safe.

Enter my generous family who gave us a great deal on a Chrysler Town & Country with less than 60,000 miles on it and the full luxury package. It was almost impossible to say no. And I promise to never get a stick-figure-family window decal or drive like an idiot. I also vow to regain many of my cool points by wearing leather pants, watching sports, and being a kick-ass mother. 

Does that make up for it? 

8 Things I've Learned About Pregnancy So Far

I am now 32-weeks pregnant. 7 months. Only 8 weeks (or so) to go!
Supposedly, during the third trimester my comfort goes down, my belly grows out, and I can expect a heightened level of anxiousness over the arrival of our little lady. It seems fitting, then, to review what I've learned so far about pregnancy...

1. It really does affect every little part of your body. 
In many ways, that's an amazingly cool thing. In others it flat out sucks. I love watching my belly grow and feeling the kicks and flips she's doing in my stomach. My skin and hair are the healthiest they've ever been.  On the other hand, my back hurts, I get random charlie horses, and I go to the bathroom ALL THE TIME. I could also do without the extra line of hair around my belly button and stretching, itchy skin.

2. Specifically, boobs go crazy during pregnancy.
I wasn't small chested prior to pregnancy, but my breasts are out of control. They are already two whole sizes larger than pre-pregnancy and rumored to go up at least one more size to accommodate breast-feeding. They leak, they hurt, and they're shaped really weird. And ultimately, no amount of bras or shirts are ideal for the hot-chest-mess I'm experiencing. 

3. Sleeping is a never-ending battle.  
For the most part, I sleep just fine. But if I spend too much time on one side, my hips hurt. I use a body pillow to help relieve the hip strain, but there's nothing I can do about my stiff neck and awkward arms when I sleep on my side. Forget sleeping on my back (which "they" don't recommend anyway.) All I can say is once this little girl joins us, I'm looking forward to celebrating with a nice stomach-sleep!

4. Pregnancy can be creepy and weird. 
I don't think people want to associate negative terms with pregnancy. After all it is a truly beautiful experience. But, the plain and simple truth is that sometimes it really is creepy too. Like when you look down and see the outline of a foot firmly pressed against your belly wall. 

5. People are especially confused by pregnant ladies who work.
Just prior to Christmas, I took my leave from the gymnastics gym. I was about to cross into my third trimester and I was getting tired of the long days and physical demands of coaching. Even before I left, though, people were constantly perplexed by the fact that I was still working there. Even now, I spend most of time sitting at my desk and writing motions, but have a caseload that requires me to be in court at least once per week. My clients, and even other attorneys, are constantly asking me "why are you still working?" and "Aren't you really tired?" Of course I'm tired, but I love my job and I want to work so long as I'm physically able. Usually, I respond with a smile and a polite, "I feel great!" 

6. Maternity clothes still have a long way to go.
If you're independently wealthy, of course, there are plenty of stylish and beautiful options for maternity-wear. If you're like the rest of us, maternity clothes are just short of awful. Especially in a professional field where suits and office-wear are required. Most of the clothing companies went out and created maternity clothing lines made of leggings and stretchy t-shirts, completely ignoring working ladies and those who want simply want less frump. Leggings and tees are wonderful, but they're not going to cut it. And frankly, I like to look nice, even on the weekends when I'm just running to the grocery store. 

7. The simple pleasures are vital.
I treasure my allotted one cup of coffee per day. I cherish a nice, hot bubble bath every now and then. And I still get my nails done every two weeks. I have really cut back on a vast majority of things I previously enjoyed (like that third and fourth cup of coffee), but I still keep a moderate amount of luxury so I can feel like a normal human being whenever possible.

8. I don't have to be a super-hero, but I don't have to be scared either.
I had no idea what to expect with pregnancy. I still have no idea what child birth will be like. But I do know this: women have been doing this for centuries. Women are meant to do this. Our bodies, our brains, our hearts are all designed to be pregnant, deliver babies, and most importantly, be mothers. It's okay that I am tired ALL. THE. TIME and it's okay that I am already letting some things go that I swore "I'd never do..." It's also okay that I have no intention of "saving the earth" by cloth diapering or making my own diaper wipes. Finally, whether my body is prepared to deliver my sweet girl without medical intervention or whether I choose medical assistance to help me along, I will have a baby in March - and she'll probably be fine either way! 

A rose by any other name

Naming our little girl was a difficult challenge. I like traditional names that can stand the test of time, but don't come off as old-fashioned. I am extremely cautious of nicknames and shortened versions and I really like names that work for a 9 month old or a 90 year old woman. 

That said, we had no idea where to start. We hadn't even really rolled baby-girl name ideas around because we were so set on a little boy. We don't really have family names to carry-on as far as the female side is concerned, so we were quite literally starting at square 1. 

Early in the naming selection, Grace came up and stuck, but we knew it wouldn't work as a first name. After all, our last name already has 4 G's in it! But we loved it so much and kept coming back to it. Then, I started looking through historical and literary names for strong female names. Not uber-feminine, but classic and beautiful. Something that represented strength and intelligence. 

When I fell on Charlotte Bronte, I mentioned it to Al. His response was, "we could call her Charlie." We're pretty decisive people, so even though we hadn't 100% committed to the name during that first conversation, it went to the top of the list. A few short days later we were laying in bed and Al rolled over to talk to my belly. He sweetly said, "Hello, Charlotte" while rubbing my tummy and she responded with a sweet little kick. 

And that was that.Two weeks later, on December 1st, we announced the name to family and friends. A month ago I couldn't fathom a name for my little girl. Now, I can't imagine calling her anything different!

More on our Little One

Last weekend, my mother flew in from Minnesota in order to be a part of our gender reveal appointment. On Thursday, we picked her up at DIA and Friday after a half-day of work, we headed to the hospital at Ft. Carson for our ultrasound. 

After the first 25 minutes, the radiologist asked if my mother and I wanted to know the gender. (We did. But Al was out in the waiting area since only one person was allowed in at a time.) We had him tell us anyway because I didn't want to wait - Al came in shortly thereafter and found out himself.

So...our little one is a...

 ...a girl!

{That's a pink cupcake, which I brought to the office later that day.}

Now, Al and I were both pretty set on a boy. We figured it'd be easier for our first child and, well, Al's a total sucker for a pretty girl who cries. And, if I'm being brutally honest, I have no idea how to do pink and ruffles and princess stuff. 

Nevertheless, our little one is a little lady. She'll probably wear tutus and drive tractors and paint her nails and shoot a gun. In other words, she'll be the perfect dichotomy of all things awesome. And, the next day shopping with my mother I found these... 

Leopard print AND pink. Okay, so having a girl probably won't be too bad. Now, if Al can just figure out how to say "no" we'll be just fine!

Little Happenings

I know my absence has left many of you wondering recently. Shortly after starting my new job, Alan and I found out we were expecting our first child...

Twelve weeks later, I'm feeling immensely better, getting my energy back and starting to feel "normal" again. Granted, I think I was "lucky" with my first trimester, and other than extreme fatigue and some weird food issues, I didn't experience too many discomforts.

Now that I am transitioning into my second trimester, we are pleased to share our news with the world.

Stay tuned for more as it develops and thank you for your patience as I dealt with so many changes (albeit, wonderful ones) happening all at once! I'm excited to share this journey with y'all!