Wordless Wednesday: Foggy Town

No "Buts" About It

I am so tired of procrastination. From myself.

I'm not an absolute-last-minute procrastinator (anymore - I pulled many all-nighters in college) but I do work better under pressure. And I can likely always find something I'd rather be doing (like Blogging...)

Now that I'm so close to the end (265 days to Graduation if my count-down is accurate) I feel like it's really a disservice to make this year that stressful. It doesn't have to be stressful, so why so I make it so simply because I like to put things off?

After reading this article on LIfe...Your Way today, I decided that enough is enough.

This means, I'm sure, that I'll have to plan study hours every. single. day. but so what?

I can schedule each evening for reading, writing, breaks and even include time for Blogging and TV as long as I play my cards right. I also plan on including work-out times and expected sleep hours (because I tend to fail at giving myself time for that too!)

I know. I know. Scheduling that much of your life sounds ridiculous. But the third year of law school is supposed to be about getting real-life experience, working, trying technical skills and balancing other aspects of your life with your schooling. 3L is supposed to be less-stressful.

And I don't want the reason I am stressed over it to be my own damn fault.

I want to enjoy these 9 months, be able to travel and have a guilt-free social life, explore jobs and networking in Colorado and be healthier, happier then I have been for the last two years. Really, there is no time like the present to get off my "but" and do what needs to be done.

Library

I hate the library at school. It's sterile and has the palpable feeling of panic, stress and coffee addiction in the air. And it doesn't have this view. But the recently-built county library by my house does. It's spectacular. I've been here an hour and I'm in love. I will definitely be studying here as much as possible.

In fact, I'm going to sign up for a library card right now!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Dream Big

I am starting my third year of law school today.

While I am feeling overwhelmingly thrown into a state of productivity and work, after a summer of such delightful relaxation and bliss, I am looking forward to getting the ball rolling on the rest of my life. This just means I'm one day closer to that diploma. One day closer to joining Al in Colorado and starting the rest of our lives.

(And, hopefully finding a job somewhere in there.)

This song, by Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band, is one of my studying favorites.

It inspires me to keep working towards my goals and gives me a more positive outlook.

The Fever: TMI Alert

I have the fever.

I'm not talking allergies, sickness or the John Travolta persuasion.

I'm talking the tiny toes, small clothes and little nose variety.

Yes. Babies.

I've wanted to be a mother since the day I was born (OK, it was probably more like when I was 5 and my sister rolled around and I realize how "cool" babies were.) Once I found my wonderful husband, realized he also wanted kids and embarked on our forever together, the spark turned into a burning desire to have children.

Of course, there were two primary obstacles before there was any realistic hope of getting pregnant: the long-distance thing and my schooling. Now that we've spent a summer together, making our marriage the priority, we can check the first one off the list. As for school, I have 9 months left. Hmm...what else takes 9 months?

Well, it takes 10-ish months, plus time to actually "make babies" (or what Al calls, the fun part.) But regardless of the math-factor, it still adds up to be a pretty do-able calendar. Obviously, we can't actually do the "fun part" until October when I visit him, or Christmas when he's home for a bit, and even that's banking on the fact that we would have an easy go at it.

I know my mother's history and that miscarriages can be hereditary. I also know so many beloved women that have had one hell of a time dealing with infertility and other pregnancy struggles. I am heart-broken for them. And I'm realistic that it could happen that way for me too.

But now we're on a timeline that works for us (sort of - if we did get pregnant immediately, it would deliver after graduation, but it could fall sometime in the moving to Colorado, taking the bar, looking for a job mess - but everyone says there is no "perfect time" so I'm not really going to hold out for one.) We are also financially stable and can afford to have a child at this time. So, I guess the time is now?

I've stopped smoking. I stopped taking the pill so I can regulate my cycle. I am taking a women's multi-vitamin including folic acid and other necessary pre-natals. Al is also working on quitting smoking and we're both focusing on staying in shape and eating healthy. And, like any true type-A woman, I am reading a lot of books, blogs, magazines and other sources on pregnancy.

We won't be "actively trying" to conceive. I won't be mapping out my fertility or my cycles.

But we are not preventing it either. Al says we're "letting the baby cards fall as they may."

Or - as a dear friends' boyfriend called it - we're taking the goalie out of the game.

And if we're lucky (or blessed) then perhaps we can actually score a goal.

(OK, that analogy kind of sucks!)

One Weird Wedding

{You may or may not recall my good friend and old roommate S. You may recall the heartbreaking fallout we had over a year ago. And all the stuff that led up to it (Read them in order: here, here, here and here.) You don't have to review this information, as I know it's a lot of reading, but it really does help provide the right background to understand the rest of this post.}

When we parted ways last summer, I expected it to be a while before we'd be in contact again. I sent his parents a Christmas card, as I had done many years prior and S and KA received our wedding announcements in January. Beyond that, our contact has been minimal.

Their engagement, moving in together in North Dakota and legal ceremony came and went. My only "contact" with them was through Facebook and after a while I was so frustrated with some of the things I was reading, that I even disconnected from them online.

This August, however, I got a call from S himself followed shortly thereafter by an email from KA asking to reconnect, mend ties and...be in their wedding. I was taken aback and told them that while honored, I would need some time to think about it. I discussed the issue with my mother, my BFF and with Al and eventually agreed.

Al was especially doubtful about the sudden outreach. He was protective of me and my feelings and worried that they would take advantage of my time and kindness (again) and I would be left hurting (again.) I was more trusting than that and took it as them extending the olive branch to renew our friendship. Sure, I know it was never going to be like before and I was certain I would be giving much more than I would receive.

What it boils down to for me is this: It is possible (and likely) that nothing will really change. I doubt our friendship will be rekindled overnight, if at all. But even if that's the case, I will be proud that I handled myself well. I can look back and share the blame for how everything went down before (hindsight will do that for ya!) It left me with a sour taste in my mouth and a negative feeling in my heart. I wasn't proud of my own behavior and I was heart-broken by his. So, accepting the olive branch, and participating in their big day is as much about me as it is about them. I know I will walk away feeling good that I forgave them, handled myself with dignity and class, and even if nothing changes, I have closure of the positive kind.

Of course, the wedding came and went (two weeks ago) and it went exactly as I expected. I could go into details about all the weird, quirky (and slightly tacky) components of their wedding, but that's really irrelevant. I worked my butt off (unexpectedly playing the role of wedding planner, personal attendant, photographer liason and wedding party) in order to keep the bride from becoming a hot mess about every 20 minutes. Even though I doubt we have re-developed a lifelong kinship, my efforts were recognized and appreciated.

As I expected, I feel very good that I was a part of their day. Going forward, I will look back on our friendship as a positive and happy one, and that was worth every minute of sweat and tears.

S & K - I wish you both a long and happy life together. May God bless you with every opportunity for growth, success and life-long companionship. I hope, someday, our paths will cross again and until then...may the force be with you.

Answers

I love how the three people who asked me questions are the three people who know me in real-life. Ha ha. I love blogger-friends-turned-real-life-friends!

Jessica asked...

How much do you miss me and Jaci?

A lot. Like, a lot a lot. This was honestly the best summer of my life and you were both a huge part of that!

Jaci asked...

What's your 10-year plan?

Graduation. Pass the bar. Babies. Colorado. Lawyer stuff. More babies. Travel.

It might be with or without the Army. But it will be with Al and it will be amazing!

What's your dream vacation?

Mediterranean Cruise: Barcelona, Greece, Sicily, Croatia, Monaco, Turkey

Kaylee asked...

Is it good to be back in Minnesota?

It really is. I missed my family and friends so much. My childhood and life are here. And the weather is better! :) That said, I want my husband and all you lovely ladies to be here to. Is that too much to ask?

How ready for school are you?

Oh...school. Yep. I'm in total denial. I'm ready as far as books and supplies and my parking pass. But I'm not ready to switch my brain back to studying 6 hours every night. At all. I don't really have a choice since school starts on Thursday, huh?!?

What is your favorite music/song?

Definitely country music. I grew up on it. But I love a little bit of everything when it comes to music. In fact, the list of what I don't like is shorter: polka, techno, graphic rap and heavy metal.

Don't Forget

You have until the end of the day today to ask me questions. So if you're bored (like me), looking for someone to talk to, or just love a good Q&A (also like me), drop me a line. I'll post my answers tomorrow.

Books

I bought these yesterday. Which means school starts in 6 days.

And my beautiful, amazing & relaxing summer is officially Oh-Ver!

I should probably stop sleeping til 9AM and start reading my first assignments...

Can I have a mini temper tantrum first?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Guilty Pleasure

I belt out songs, at the top of my lungs, while driving alone in my car.
I'm talking head-bouncing, hand-jiving, top-of-my-lungs, singing.

And it is usually show tunes. My faves are Wicked, Phantom of the Opera, West Side Story and Sound of Music.
I have many others, but those tend to be in the rotation most frequently.

You can also expect some of my Disney favorites to show up too.

I sing along, like I'm the best singer on the planet (when in reality, I'm not at all.)

It makes me happy and although no one else is privvy to this secret behavior, singing along with the likes of Idina Menzel, Sarah Brightman and Kristen Chenowith makes me feel totally fabulous.

So, today, for the link-up, I am sharing my favorite songs from the above musicals. Enjoy!

Defying Gravity - Wicked

(Idina Menzel & Kristen Chenowith)

Music of the Night - Phantom of the Opera

(Sarah Brightman & Michael Crawford)

America - West Side Story

(Rita Morena, George Chakiris & Cast)

My Favorite Things - Sound of Music

(Julie Andrews & Cast)

I could go on and on, but I don't want to bore you. So, enjoy some of my favorite things: showtunes!

Bloggers Block

I am seriously struggling to write anything with substance these days. Which is weird considering my life is full of substance. Since I can't seem to overcome this Bloggers-block, and because I've noticed an influx in my readership recently, I would like to open to window for you to ask me anything you would like. I am an open person and will likely answer anything you ask as honestly as possible. I will, however, decline to answer any question that is rude, repetitive or asked anonymously. Within those parameters, please ask freely! I will leave it open until Saturday and Sunday I will post the answers.

Oh, and I will eventually tell you about my weekend where I was a grooms(wo)man in a wedding, suit & tie and all!

Mil-Spouse Friday Fill-in

I'm leaving for the weekend for a wedding, after a meeting at school. I should return on Sunday with more interesting things to discuss, but for now, I'll leave you with the Friday Fill-in from Wife of a Sailor:

The best thing my parents taught me to do when I was a child was _________________.

Stand up for myself. Work hard. Treat people and yourself with respect.

However, one thing I wish they did differently was _________________.

To be more honest about life experience; tell me the good and bad about drugs, drinking, sex. There was always an open door policy to ask questions and my mom was always very thorough and informative. But I still feel like I was a little sheltered from some things and had to experience them myself.

One thing I’ve always wanted to try but haven’t is _________________.

White-water rafting

One thing I never thought I’d try but I have is _________________.

Dying my hair

If I could give my 16-year-old self one piece of advice I’d tell myself _________________.

Respect and love yourself. Once you do, others will too!

Home Sweet Minnesota

{Disclaimer: This is going to be a long post.}

Our travel from Texas to Minnesota did not go quite as planned. Which shouldn't surprise anyone in the military...nothing ever does. It started with our last night together being completely ruined by a late night work "emergency" followed by another "issue" and something that needed to be "handled." I won't go into detail, mostly because I am weary even thinking about it, but it was an unnecessary use of Al's time and completely screwed our evening. We both went to bed exhausted and stressed. 3 hours later, Al started his work day and by the time he was off at 1500, we were on the road to Minnesota.

The drive itself wasn't too bad. We hit a storm in New Mexico and followed it for at least 6 hours - all overnight hours and all driven by Al. He's a saint because I would have been very stressed driving through a thunderstorm at night. The next morning, I took the helm and let Al sleep a bit (for which he was very grateful.) About 3 hours into my drive, I was flying along Hwy 77 and a ever-so-wonderful NE State Trooper pulled me over.

This is interesting for a couple reasons. Remember the last time we made this drive? (When the Trooper asked Al if I was a hooker....good times...) Well, apparently we have a knack for getting pulled over on this drive. First Missouri. Now Nebraska. The first time Al was speeding, this time I was the guilty lead-foot. Both times we were let go with only a warning and carried on with our trip.

[Of course I don't have a single photo of the trip. I'm a total photo-slacker. (I keep telling myself if I had a cool newfangled photo-machine that maybe I would do it more...or at least look super-awesome the few times I remembered to snap a pic.) I do, however, have some pictures from the rest of the weekend (the wedding and a few family shots) which I will share once I am done editing them.]

We reached Minnesota on Friday afternoon and were greeted by Al's family and a delicious steak dinner. In fact, we ate like royalty the entire weekend. Steak dinners, blueberry pancake breakfast, burgers and corn-on-the-cob and lots of other delicious indulgences.

After a wedding, some time at the bar, a family reunion, and a round of hugs, we left the Minnesota countryside and headed into the city to see my family.

My mom wanted family photos taken and since we had the rare pleasure of having both Al and my sister in one place for more than a few hours, she jumped at the opportunity Monday morning. And at the first chance to do so, Al and I ran off to spend our last few hours alone. After four days of go-go-go and tons of wonderful family time, we really just needed time to be "us" before he left for Texas.

Monday night Al left and is now back in Texas in our marital bed, without me. I think that would be harder then what I'm doing. I have my parents, my sister, my great friends. And I have my blog (of course!) He has the Army and an empty apartment that I worked hard to make our "home." I'm here, in my beloved hometown, transforming the guest room at my parents (which, interestingly, I was living in right after college when Al and I first started dating 3 years ago) into a nice little refuge to inhabit for the next 9 months.

Then, I will join my husband at Ft. Carson and the delightful life of marital bliss we got a taste of this summer will be a permanent reality. And that is worth every moment of stress and sadness. These 9 months are going to fly, right?

It's a Bittersweet Symphony

The Army has done an awfully fantastic job of screwing over our last night together. We're both tired, angry and frankly, a little fed up by the complete disregard for my and Al's life. Really, you actually don't care that it's my last night in Texas? Really, Al has to work until midnight, take care of the issue again at 0300 and then still report for PT formation at 0500? Are you really sleeping in your cozy bed, next to your family while all this happens?

That said, we leave for Minnesota today. Hopefully, the cross-country drive won't be so bad now that we're both more sleep-deprived then we originally expected. I have to pull a couple things out of the car and re-pack them in a different way. I might (might - of course the Army might screw that up too) visit this October/November. If I do, I'll travel back with the few things I've left here so that Al doesn't have to move them to Colorado on his own.

I am SO excited to see my family and Minnesota friends. I am looking forward to having a little more familiarity around me. And I am looking forward to getting out of this godawful heat. But I am going to miss the friends I've made here (sooo much!) And I'm going to miss my husband something terrible. I might even miss the Army-life, but I haven't decided.

As I leave today, driving down open roads, I will be thinking of this song. The life I had this summer was wonderful, but the life waiting for me in Minnesota it great too. As such, a bittersweet symphony is playing in my head, and my heart, as I leave this place to return to another. Thank you, Texas - I'm coming home, Minnesota.

Summer Goals Monday: Late Edition

It's Monday erm, Tuesday and it's that time again. But instead of going back over the entire list, I am going to review only those tasks that haven't yet been completed. This list is just too much muckety-muck to keep posting every task. If you want to review the older lists ('cause my life is so interesting, right?!? Bah!) you can do so by clicking the "Summer Goals" label in the sidebar.

Here is the list:

2. Work on my long-paper

(Ultimate Goal: complete research and first draft by summer-end to be reviewed by Prof.)

Progress: Downloaded software to organize research. Created research map so I can get started. Started preliminary research and created long-term research plan. Completed preliminary research.

{I'm losing steam on this task, mostly because the topic I wanted to write is no longer getting me excited. I might re-visit topics with a professor and change course a bit. Either way, the research I have done so far has been helpful and definitely cut down on the amount of work this fall.}

3. Learn how to cook at least a week-worth of meals

Progress - - Learned the following meals:

~Turkey meat balls in marinara

~Shrimp & Feta Stuffed Zucchini

~Homemade greek pizza

~Tuna & cream corn casserole

~Frozen Low-Fat Reese Peanut Butter Pie (I know it's a dessert, but it is amazing!)

~Key Lime Bars

~Crab & asparagus salad

~Tuna & Mushroom casserole

4. Get my conceal-and-carry permit

8. Read 10 books from my reading list

Read: Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

10. Put together list of employment opportunities for my return to MN

Progress: Started compiling job options today after I posted my resume. I pulled two jobs in particular that I will apply to this week. I will also e-mail a couple of attorneys I know and try options there.

11. Volunteer with an on-post organization

Progress: Attended two FRG events.

12. Get another tattoo

13. Find bike trails in El Paso and start riding a bike

It didn't make sense to purchase a bike here in El Paso, when I have a bike back home. So, I decided to fix-up & safety-check my bike at home and start riding on the trails behind my parents' house.

14. Volunteer with a community-based organization (off-post)

Progress: Missed ACS meeting two weeks ago due to our Colorado trip. I will be revisiting volunteer opportunities. Also looking into a two-week Habitat build in Minnesota when I return.

15. Renew my CPR and First Aid certifications

I finally found the person I need to call to set this up.

19. Determine a solid work-out routine

(Ultimate goal: lose 20 lbs, tone muscle and re-gain strength & flexibility)

Progress: Completed work-out calendar. Took photos, measurements and weighed in. Created charts to track progress and food. Started 25-day work-out plan.

20. Get boudoir photos taken

21. Determine my final-year game-plan

22. Put together Shutterfly wedding album

Shutterfly photos ordered and sent to my parents house. I am thinking of making an engagement/wedding scrapbook rather then just an album of photos. Plus, I want to leave room for the photos from our big reception next year.

24. Practice and re-new my German knowledge

These two will be completed when we get to Colorado. It didn't make much sense to work on these projects when our El Paso home will be packed up and moved in a few short months. Instead, I will have plenty of great projects when I get there.

18. Sew covers for couch pillows

23. Make new headboard