An unexpected encounter

So last night my roommate came home. Problem is: I didn't have any warning. He's been gone for over a month and a half now, so I've gotten into a single-living routine. Luckily, I wasn't doing anything weird or running around naked or something, but it was 11 PM. So, I'm sitting in my living room, having just finished painting my nails and working on packing some boxes, when I hear some movement towards the back room. It's an old house and it's not uncommon to hear creaks and movements. At first, I didn't think much of it.

Then I paused my TV show and listened more intently. I grabbed the pointy nail file that was in my hand (What can I say, I didn't have anything else and I'll be damned if I go out without some sort of fight) and turned towards the back room. I see a figure coming towards me and realize it's S.

Me: "Jesus, you scared me."

S: {shrug}

Me: "I didn't know you were coming home. How long are you here?"

S: "A week."

Me: "Oh. That's good. Are you going to the funeral on Thursday?"

(I'll explain the back-story on this shortly.)

S: "Umm, I didn't know...ummm..."

Me: "I talked to your mom and she said it was Thursday and she get back to me with details."

S: "OK"

Me: "Is KA here?"

S: "Yes"

Me: "OK. Well, I'll move that stuff out of your way in the hall-way so you don't have to crawl over it every time you want to leave. I've been in a packing mood."

S: "Whatever."

Me: {laughing} "Give me a heads up next time you're coming home so I don't freak out and think someone is sneaking in to kidnap me."

S: "OK"

Me: "And I'm glad to have you back for a week. Can I give you a hug?"

S: "Sure."
{Walks towards me, arms extended. We man-hug, complete with a pat on the back.}

I did move the stuff out of his way. And I have made sure the apartment was pretty clean. Not spotless, but clean. Dishes are done and put away and things are relatively tidy. I'm wondering how this will go for the week he's home.

Now, for the back story. Since S and I have been friends (were friends, I don't know...) for so many years, I developed a pretty close relationship with his family, especially his parents. They still call me once in a while to "chat" and his mom frequently refers to me as part of the family.

Friday night, S's grandma passed away. She was well into her 80's. She had a stroke and aneurysm and went into a coma. I got that call from S's mom early in the day Friday to tell me that her wishes were to be at home with family when she passed so they were waiting for an ambulance to escort her home.

You should know that S's mom is one of 18. Grandma was a busy woman! They are a southern-black Mississippi-bred family with all the charm and piss-and-vinegar that comes with that. But it also means it's a close family and there's a LOT of love to go around. I spent many summer days at Grandma's for BBQ's.

So there were 100 people by her bedside when she passed. I'm not even exaggerating. When I talked to S's mom yesterday she was so happy that Grandma's wishes were fulfilled and she passed at home surrounded by love. She and I talked for almost an hour about memories of Grandma and what a wonderful woman she was.

I recalled this story of the first time I ever met her:

S: "Hey Grandma, {leans down to kiss her} this is my good friend Melissa."

Me: "It's nice to meet you."

Grandma: "Why are your bosoms hangin' out?"

{Mind you, I was wearing a high-neck sweater and long jacket since it was late-winter.}

Me: "Umm..."

Grandma: "Never mind, as long as you know...Have a seat, child. I made chicken."

She would make sure that she spoke her peace and then she'd welcome you into her home and her life with open arms. No questions asked. I really believe she was a woman of God in many ways. And I believe God had something to do with her being home, with much of her family, to pass comfortably and quietly in her home. Wouldn't we all love that opportunity?

The funeral is on Thursday. When I spoke to S's mom, we didn't know whether he'd be able to make it. This new job has him working so many crazy hours and we weren't sure what they'd say. I guess he got the time off, because he came home last night.

While I was talking to S's mom, another thing happened. She brought up KA. She hadn't called to tell her; she probably figured S would take care of that. But she asked me if I'd talked to her recently and if I could ask her if she was coming on Thursday. I mentioned that we didn't speak much so it would be best for her to reach out to her directly.

As all astute mom's do, she pushed for more details. She knew something was up. She asked why we weren't friends. So, I told her the story.

(I know, I know. It's none of her business. To me, it is. She's family and come time for a family even to happen, she'd realize something wasn't right between S and I. I felt she had a right to know we weren't really friends right now.)

I took the blame for my errors. I didn't point the finger at anyone, or make anyone look like the bad guy. It was very diplomatic and nice. It wasn't entirely the truth, but I knew the best thing to do in this situation was simply relate the story as a bad string of events that could heal with time. At least THAT's the truth.

I told her I didn't want her intervening, or to think either S or KA were "the bad guy". I told her that I believed time would be what we needed and hopefully down the road we could mend our friendship.

She told me that we were adults and she would let us be. She knows how much S cares about me and she believes he still does. The really significant thing she said was this:

"The only thing I ask, is that you promise me that a few months, years, however long you need, that you reach out to him and attempt to mend the relationship. You're family and we both know he won't do it."

Fast forward to 11PM and he walks in the door, scaring the pee out of me. I nicely informed them that I would be out of the house by 9AM so the shower and kitchen would be free at that time and I was happy to have them back for a bit. Clearly he's not ready. I know I'm not ready to forgive for everything. But I know that some day down the road, I want to.

For now, that's what's important.