Clothes to Add to Your Closet in 2013

For the first Fashion Friday of 2013, I wanted to gather some clothing items that should be added to your closet in 2013. Each season, I put together a few items that I'd like to add to my closet and if I'm shopping and have the money, I snatch them up. It focuses my shopping to items I truly want/need and keeps me from straying too much. I also try to focus on classic and essential pieces that will last in my closet much longer than the trendy ones - though sometimes a trendy piece is thrown in for fun. As usual, I have kept the prices low and linked to where you can purchase them online. Enjoy!

Crisp White Blouse

Perfect oxford - The Gap

**I know, I know. I should have one of these already. The one I have I bought last minute and found it in the little boys department at Sears. Not exactly the long-term blouse I want.

Gingham Blouse

Patterned top - Old Navy

Berry-colored cardigan

Eddie Bauer

Tweed jacket

Tweed & leather jacket, Alfani - Macy's

Denim jacket

Old Navy

Bright twill mini skirt

Ponte flare skirt - The Gap

This one too, for good measure...

Tab-waist skirt - The Loft

Brown pencil skirt

Dorothy Perkins

**Another basic I should have, but don't

Printed wrap dress

Navy stripe dress - Land's End

**Worth the added expense because this dress will last forever! But, cheaper alternative...

Wrap dress - Old Navy

Grey knit tights

Merona - Target

Back-seam nylons

Sheer back-seam tights - Express

Gold metallic skinny belt

Glittered waist belt - Forever 21

Tortoise shell sunglasses

Shell-shocked sunnies - Frock Candy

Ankle boots

Back-zip bootie - Forever 21

Ankle-strap heels

Tessa Heel - Alloy Clothing

Leopard print pumps

Mix No. 6 Pumps - DSW

Gifts and why they really don't matter as much as the memories!

Last weekend, Al approached me with his head down and informed me he lost my anniversary gift. He purchased it in Las Vegas and had been holding on to it for the occasion. He had wrapped it in his clothes in his luggage, but never emptied it when he got back. When it went through his bags to find it, they were gone. 

I had to laugh. It is not a big deal.

In fact, I assumed we'd grab dinner somewhere and be in bed by 10:30. And I was perfectly happy with that scenario. I certainly didn't expect a gift (and, in all honesty, I had no intention on getting one for him - unless a coupon for "naughty time" counts!) We're both perfectly happy just spending the evening together, you know, 'cause we are in the same state and actually can spend it together.

Even still, I knew he felt bad. (Probably in part because of this Christmas when he sort-of forgot we agreed to exchange gifts.) I assured him that it was not a big deal and he certainly shouldn't rush out and replace it (as he offered to do.) Ultimately, I figure it will turn up someday and even if it doesn't, we have another good memory to share with our kids. 

"Remember that time dad lost your anniversary present?"

In a non-cliche and completely honest way: it is the thought behind the gift and time spent putting it together that counts. 

So why do we put such an emphasis on gifts in the first place? 

Doesn't that take the joy out of both giving and receiving them?

 If I want to buy him something, I will. And I don't need reciprocation, unless he wants to as well. And if he gets me a gift, or flowers, or even just picks up my favorite pint of ice cream on his way home one day, I'll be thrilled. I will kiss him, thank him, and be happy he thought enough about me to do that. I appreciate those gestures when they occur. I appreciate the gifts when they come. I certainly don't need them (or expect them) - SO, it's time we stop making gifts the focus of these important milestones.

Honey, if you're reading this, know this: an evening with you is all I need this year.  And if you really want to make it special, you could always wear a tie. I'm printing off your coupon right now!

The MSJDN and getting published

I joined the MSJDN (Military Spouse JD Network) before I had even completed law school. It is an amazing network of military spouses who also happen to be attorneys. The primary purpose of the organization is to initiate change in the registration and licensing requirements of attorneys to allow for more reciprocity for military spouses. As it stands, most states require an attorney to pass their bar exam as well as pay to receive their license in each state they wish to practice. I'm sure you can see the difficulty this poses for military spouses. Not only is licensing expensive and time-consuming, it often leaves the spouse with a very short period of time to practice in a given state before a PCS - thus making it even more difficult to get experience and build a client base - both vital to the practice of law. 

I am lucky in that we are not going to face another PCS. I will be able to establish my business here in Colorado without the fear of moving again. Even in my case, however, there are complications. Eventually, I would like to move back to Minnesota and I would like my business to be as portable as possible when that happens. With the current licensing requirements, that would not be possible. Therefore, the mission of MSJDN is vital to my career and the hundreds (yes, there are that many of us) mil-spouse attorneys out there.

My personal involvement in MSJDN has been limited so far. I attended an event here at Ft. Carson as a representative of the MSJDN. After that event, I was asked to write an article about that experience and the organizations that assist military personnel with their legal matters. This month, when the newsletter came out I found my article on the FRONT PAGE! I was stoked that the topic (and my writing, I presume) was important enough to be on the front page of the newsletter. With my name in little black typeface just below it.

Even without that moment of personal pride, I am thrilled to be a part of such a wonderful organization, made up of so many fantastic, career-driven, and devoted milspouse I've ever met. Thank you, MSJDN, for some amazing opportunities and I cannot wait to be a part of many more in 2013!

2013 Goals: #5 - Improve Health

I saved this category for last. It is not that I don't think about my health already, it is just that this is the category where I have the largest ability to let myself down. But I suppose my awareness of that fact is the right way to start, huh? 

That said, I'm not going to "lose 20 lbs." or "shake 2 pants sizes." I'm not even going to "workout twice per week." Let's be real, those goals are not going to happen. (We're two weeks into the year and other than the times I break a sweat when I'm coaching, I don't exercise.) It doesn't mean those things can't happen, it just means I am not going to make them a goal and set myself up for failure. Instead, I am going to focus on overall health and making my eating habits a priority, and, hopefully, the other stuff naturally follows.

Here are my goals: 

1. Quit smoking. This is a bit of a cheat, due to the fact that I actually "quit" in 2012. It should read "remain smoke-free" but I did cheat on NYE (it's really hard to drink wine and not smoke) and Al is still smoking, which makes my temptation all the more in-your-face. So, I intend on still being smoke-free when 2014 rolls around!

2. Eat more mindfully. Cut sweets down to once per week. Avoid the second snack (defeats the purpose of a low-cal way to take the edge off) during the work day. Pack a lunch so I don't grab junk or fast food. Cut down on soda (only for social occasions and to mix with Crown.) These small changes will help me feel better and look better. 

3. Take a daily vitamin. I used to do this. I got sick a little less often and had clear skin. It is also a good way to sneak some pre-natals into my system, so when we finally decide to try again my body is ready!

This is the last of my five wishes for 2013. I will check in on my goals throughout the year, though not as regularly as I did in 2012. Here's to a purposeful, healthy, and successful 2013!!

2013 Goals: #4 - Enhance Home

When we first bought our house last year, we hit the ground running and completed a few major renovation projects right away. With the holidays and budget concerns, we stalled most progress until after the new year. 

Well, that time has come and I have three major things I want to accomplish in the house this year: 

1. Finish upstairs guest bath and room. The bath is already gutted and floors have been relaid. The rest of the project should only take a long weekend to complete. The guest room will be a little more involved since we have used it as a storage/linen/Army room - and the fact that we have no bedroom furniture. I guess I'm going to be hitting some major thrift stores and garage sales this summer!

2. Remove radon from basement. We had this tested during inspection and bought the house knowing it was too high for livability. Our thought was that so long as it was only the two of us, we could basically use the basement as storage and otherwise close it off. I want to do the radon-removal and vent system this summer so we can start developing that space into an entertainment and guest space.

3. Outdoor revival. Our lawn is dead and needs some serious CPR. We want to re-pour our front step and pour a patio out back. We also want to re-paint the deck, re-secure some wobbly spots, and perhaps even build a fire pit. Al will be putting in a large garden spot in the spring for veggies and herbs. 

Originally, when we bought the house, I expected that the first thing on my list was to pull up all the carpet and lay hardwood throughout the entire house. That is still a priority, but I am realistic about our budget and the fact that this is not our forever-dream-home. It's likely we will move in 5 years and use it as a rental. Therefore, it will probably be a while before hardwood goes in. In the meantime, the above projects should give the house the facelift it needs (and fill plenty of our time in 2013!)

2013 Goals: #3 - Advance Career

This category is probably the biggest one in 2013. I have made huge strides in building my business and starting my career in 2012. I graduated law school and became a licensed attorney in Colorado. I also received my license to sell insurance and manage investment accounts. I have one more exam to complete before I am a fully-licensed financial planner AND attorney. 

This year, I plan to put the majority of my energy into building my law practice and my financial planning business into a collaborative business. Here is how I plan to do that: 

1. Attend at least one event per month. This will help me grow my contact list and therefore my client base. 

2. Write one article per month. I want to branch out into more writing regarding the legal and finance fields, whether it be through the branch website, MSJDN, or other organizations. 

3. Find a mentor. I want to find a mentor through the CBA or another group, that can help oversee the growth of my business and guide me through the process. I would prefer a business-owner who also wears a dual hat in finance and law. I already have one attorney in mind, but I am going to sign-up for the mentorship program and see if that gives me a good lead as well.

2013 Goals: #2 - Increase Wealth

Last year, with graduation, moving, buying a house and moving again, and seeing the first bill for my school loans, our we did not accomplish any wealth growth. In fact, we used about half of our savings to pay for the house and to get my business started. 

Now that things have slowed down, it's time to get serious about debt reduction and building up our savings again. It would be even better if we could get to the point this year where we can invest in a retirement plan. For now, we're going to prioritize and keep the goals simple: 

1. Pay down 1/3 of our debt (excluding mortgage). Our house is at such a low rate, we'd rather pay off the school debt and minimal other debts first. We have no credit card debt, but my school loans are substantial. If we can pay off 1/3 of the debt, we will free up more liquid cash - definitely plus!

2. Double our savings. By the end of the year, I would like to have our savings back to where it was when we started 2012. Paying ourselves back for the legitimate investments we made is our top priority after debt reduction. 

3. Secondary savings. This account is where I dip into for travel and other "fun stuff." Right now, it is high enough that I can pay for one of my planned trips this summer. I would like to increase the amount to cover both trips so I don't have to budget it separately. 

Easy-peasy. Except that I like shoes and fancy coffee. I just keep reminding myself that I like financial security more!

2013 Goals: #1 - Expand Mind

I am someone who functions well in an education setting. I enjoy learning. I thrive on mental stimulation and challenging my cerebral function. But, after spending seven years (and way too much money) getting my degrees, I'm ready for a break from the organized educational setting. Instead, I want to find ways this year to stimulate my mind on my own.

I plan to do that in three ways: 

1. Read. I am going to read one new book each month. I continue to add to my list when I run across a book that interests me and I clip reviews from magazines or articles online recommending new reads on a regular basis. 

2. Build skills. I want to take a German class at a nearby University. I've got more than enough money in my MyCaa account, so I might as well use it to build on skills I already have. I want to become fluent in German. I may sign up for some small business classes or entrepreneurial courses as well. The focus is on business building and fun, rather than a particular degree.

3. Teach. I am certified as a tutor here in Colorado. I want to tutor at least 2 students this year. I am working on getting trained as an AFTB instructor on post. I plan to have that complete by March.

On being honest with myself, and finding the happiness I desperately need

It has been a while since I sat down and wrote a post that exposed myself. A post that is real. Honest. Open. But I realized recently that it is vital that I do so.

I realized that it is time I stop lying to myself. It is time I start to face reality and for me that means sharing it with you. When the truth is on paper (e-paper, at least) it's much harder to deny. Harder to ignore. And I just can't ignore it anymore.

Prior to our trip we were fighting. A lot. Usually over little things, but mostly just a constant irritation with each other. I was spending time doing my own thing and he was doing his. We were both avoiding the conflict. I was avoiding it because I didn't know what it was. I didn't know why I was annoyed by everything he did or why I felt like I was more of a nagging mother than a loving wife. His response was to act more childish or close off completely. 

Going home to Minnesota was a wake-up call. I was rejuvenated and happy. I felt like myself. That trip made me realize there wasn't anything wrong with our marriage, or how we were dealing with it. There was something wrong with me. In fact, I have always said that you have to be a complete, happy self before you can have a happy union. That was the problem. 

I wasn't happy with me. And therefore I wasn't happy with him. Or with us.

I wasn't happy that my entire existence felt like it revolved around him. I felt like every waking moment of my life was spent thinking about his happiness and keeping the house in order. Very little time was spent on my interests. Don't get me wrong, our marriage should be a priority. His happiness should be a constant consideration of mine. But it shouldn't be the only one. I am not a housewife - I don't enjoy it and I'm not good at it. 

I want a career. A busy, thriving, exciting career. I want a reason to get up every morning and put on a suit, grab a thermos of coffee, and join the hustle and bustle of the business world. I want to build business relationships in the community. I want to challenge myself. To learn new things. I want to use the degrees I worked so hard for and, most importantly, do the job I was meant to do. 

I want fulfilling friendships. I want girlfriends that feel like family and relationships that challenge my thoughts and feelings. I want to join a bowling league or softball team or something else that gets me active and meeting new people. I want to incorporate fun into my week by doing things that I enjoy.

I want to get back to the basics in my marriage. I want to have adventures - to get in the car and drive somewhere. To make each other laugh. To be active by hiking and swimming and other sports we enjoy. I want to do puzzles and play board games and cuddle up and talk for hours. 

These are all things I had in Minnesota. These are the things that make me happy.

And I have them here too. I've met some amazing people and started some wonderful friendships. I began a career and although it is slow, it is fulfilling. We have our own home in a beautiful city and there is so much to do here. But it is time that I build on that foundation - that I advance my career even further, that I make those friendships even stronger, and that I push myself to try new things. It is time that I let go of the little things that are weighing me down and focus on my blessings. It is time that I make the improvements I want to see, to get past the holding pattern I feel stuck in, and make the change. It is time to be happy.

One evening, Al and I were sitting in my car after running errands and I started crying. I told him everything. He held me while I blabbered through the details and sniffled through the silent moments. He told me that he understood; that he wanted all those things for me; that he had been ignoring some of his desires as well, and that we would help each through the transition. 45 minutes later, I was emotionally drained but hopeful that things were going to be better. I was going to be better.

Now is the moment to take this wonderful life I've been blessed with and turn it into exactly the life I want. Now is the time for that change. It is a new year, with new possibilities and I will be damned if I don't take advantage of that. Now is the time. Now is my time.

New Year, New Goals

Last year, I made a list of 12 goals for the year 2012. They were not necessarily measurable goals so much as traits and lifestyles changes I wanted to make. I had a few measurable goals, but in all they were more like guidelines. For last year, that was a necessary approach. I was finishing law school, moving across the country, and starting a new career, so I wasn't exactly free to accomplish new goals and try new things. Therefore the 12 goals I made for myself were suited to that lifestyle. 

This year, however, I'm settled in, loving life and ready to hit the ground running. As such, I put together a list of new goals - goals that match my new life and that I can hold myself accountable for. Also, I was tagged by my dear friend JG to come up with five goals (wishes) for the new year. (It's a good thing she tagged me too, because when I first started this post I still had over 10 items on my goal sheet. Being held to five goals made me focus on the important ones and narrow that initially too-long list down!)

The result of those hours of reflection and thought is this list - 5 simple, significant, and trackable goals for 2013! Throughout the week, I will take each individual goal and break-down my plan for accomplishing the goal and what markers I will use to track them. For now, I'll simply debut the list:

{I am supposed to tag five people to participate, but I would rather allow my friends and readers to set their own goals and plans for the new year. If you would like to participate by creating 5 wishes for 2013, please let me know, so we can encourage, push and applaud each other as we proceed through the year!}

Here's to a great new year!