A Letter to My Sister

{She doesn't read my blog. She knows how to find it and that she is welcome to read it. But even if she never reads this, I've said what I need to say. And if she does ever decide to read my blog, maybe, just maybe, she'll hear me.}

Dear sister,

There are a lot of challenges I've faced in my life; a lot of jobs I've had and classes I've taken.

But the biggest challenge AND the one I looked forward to the most, was being your big sister.

And for the entire time I've known you, that role has made me happy.

But recently I am scared for you and I worry for our relationship.

On one hand, I'm angry. You are better than this. You have too much to give the world.

You are smart and beautiful. You are funny and charming.

You dance to the beat of your own drum.

I want the world to see those qualities like I do.

Instead, though, you are hiding those qualities behind other behavior. Uglier behavior. It isn't you.

I'm angry that you aren't listening.

I'm angry that you ask for help from me, from our parents, from others...and we help. We always will.

But then you don't want to change. Your habits don't change. Your attitude doesn't either.

On the other hand, I'm sad.

I am sad that you are hurting. I know you are hurting. It feels like there is nothing I can do.

I want to reach out and hug you. For hours. Because even though I'm angry, I still love you.

I'm still here for you.

And I don't judge you. I really don't.

God knows I'm not perfect.

I've made mistakes with men, with money, with grades.

And I know there are times I've hurt you.

But I am tired. I want our relationship to be better. I want you to trust me. To reach out to me.

Mostly, I want you to stop hurting. I want you to feel better. And I want you to DO better.

Do better for your family, for your future and mostly, for yourself.

Because just like the world deserves to see everything you have to offer.

You deserve the best this world can give you.

I'm here for you. Whenever you're ready.

For a hug, a good ass-kicking or a good laugh.

I can't go easy on you anymore. I have to preserve myself a little bit. But I will ALWAYS love you.

To the end of time.

With everything I've got.

Now it's your turn to love yourself again.

Your sister, always. - Melissa