Prayer

I am so glad this week is over. 

After my Monday meltdown, it was especially difficult for me to trek through the week and stay focused. Thursday and Friday were spent studying for my Saturday exam. There was a moment, on Friday afternoon, where I actually considered running away. That moment came after I took my third practice test and got the worst score yet - the more I studied, the worse I did. It was that moment where I thought about just getting into my car and driving to Colorado and forgetting about my stupid dream to become a lawyer. 

Surely, I'll find a new passion, right?

As I looked back down at the pages and realized that I couldn't possibly learn another thing, I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and told myself everything was going to be OK. Then I put the books away and did something I haven't done in a long time. I prayed. 

Now, I pray semi-regularly, but almost always for other people. I will send up a prayer for a family member or a friend who needs strength, healing or guidance. I will say a prayer when I see an accident or hear a horrible story on the news. 

But I rarely pray for myself.

What makes me think I can do everything on my own? 

So, for the first time in a long time, I knelt next to my bed, bowed my head, and prayed. 

I felt silly kneeling next to my bed with my hands folded. I didn't really know where to start or what to say. I spoke out loud at first, and then in my head. And a few times I just sat in silence hoping He just knew what I needed to say. Even though I was a little rusty, I'm also quite positive that didn't matter. 

I know He heard me. I know I'm better for it.

Tomorrow is another Monday. God help me, literally.