Why Normal Isn't Better

One of the things I looked forward to with Al being home was to have a sense of a "normal" life. We all know as mil-so's that "normal" is a figment of our imagination.

Normal doesn't exist. It changes over time.

Rather then calling our life normal, I prefer to use the word "routine."

For now, we have a routine down. The routine might change, but that's normal, right? Ha!

We did get a routine. I work and he stays home. He takes care of various errands and chores around the house. He uses his days to visit family and friends, work on projects and help me with things I've put off working on (like those darn shelves in my room that are still laying on the floor.) I spend all day in class and at work, then I have a few hours of homework every night. For now, that's our routine.

Problem is, Al is going crazy. He hates that he's not working. He doesn't like that he doesn't have his "things" and he's in MY house (with my two roommates.) He feels like he doesn't have a place. He feels like he doesn't have anything to do with his day.

By the time I get home, he's bouncing off the walls. He's obnoxious. And it's usually right when I need to read for an hour or two. Or when I'm winding down for bed.

Combine his feelings of being nomadic, bored and useless with my extremely busy schedule and lack of sleep and you have one uneasy couple.

I think as a military couple, we keep looking forward for the "next thing." The next leave period, the next deployment, the next duty station. We're looking for what's around the corner so we can prepare for it, embrace what we have now, and adapt to life as it happens.

And Al and I are no exception.

"Just a few more months until I'm home"

"Next year will be better"

"Soon we can look at houses"

"Try to stick it out until the next step"

These are all common vernacular. Things we say to each other during a difficult period, or a worrisome week. But they don't necessarily come true, do they?

Truth is, life is always happening. That means that sometimes things just suck. You might get to the "next step." You might get engaged or married, you might buy a house or have a baby. You might get a new job, or quit and stay home. These are all part of the "next phase" and they are all good things. But that doesn't mean that it gets any easier.

Right now, we're both stretched thin. Neither of us are at our best.

In fact, I would say we're both being pretty icky versions of ourselves. But we're trying.

The fact that we're aware of this, we talk it out, and we work hard to listen and keep each other happy, is a testament to our relationship.

The challenge is finding someone willing to brace the suck of life, work through the transitions, love unconditionally, and enjoy RIGHT NOW instead of always waiting for what's just around the corner.

I am blessed to have found that partner in Al.

I am blessed that even though our life is SO NOT "normal" and our "routine" isn't ideal, we're in this together. For the long-haul. For right now, AND forever.